Just like starting over

It's time to start over. And it's not New Year's or the first day of school or even the first day of the month. That's the beauty of starting over, you can really start from anywhere, at any time.

I really appreciated the support and the messages that I received from several people regarding last week's post. I always worry when I use my blog as therapy, but it is so much cheaper than paying a professional. (Not that there's anything wrong with that)

Last week was my week to begin again, again. I joined Weight Watchers last Tuesday and discovered that their new Points Plus program is very do-able. I love the fact that most fruits and vegetables are zero points. It's a great way to encourage people to eat more of the food that is good for them.

I also had my first meeting with my Wellness Coach at the Dan Abraham Healthy Living Center (DAHLC). It is a 12-week program that focuses on behavior modification and setting goals. I have a great coach in Jason and I think we'll have a successful partnership.

The Wellness Coaching program is free to DAHLC members who are willing to make the 12-week commitment and are ready to focus on taking care of themselves. The first session was 90 minutes and the remaining 11 are about an hour each. But there is homework (as there needs to be).

We talked about what I saw as my barriers to better health, and I think most people would be surprised to hear about one of them. My first barrier, as I see it, is my cluttered house. I'm sure my family members and close friends could give testimonials to my less than ideal housekeeping skills. Certain family members might even suggest that I'm pushing it to suggest that I have ANY housekeeping skills.

Nevertheless, goal #1 is to set up a weekly schedule of chores (Yep, I said chores - like for a 10-year-old). Three days a week, I will spend 45-60 minutes cleaning and picking up in a specific area (Living Room/Kitchen, Bedroom/Bathroom, Office/SewingRoom/Closet). I determined that the best time for me to do this work is in the morning before work instead of just watching the news. I spent 45 minutes this morning cleaning the living room and kitchen. It's not perfect, but it's a start.

Goal #2 is getting to the DAHLC twice a week to work-out between 30-45 minutes. Yesterday (Sunday), I made it to the DAHLC and spent 20 minutes on the ARC (a type of elliptical) and 15 minutes on an Expresso Bike. The Expresso Bike is a fun interactive stationary bike because you're biking your way through a video game, per se. The video screen in front of you shows "your path" (like biking in the mountains) and the bike adjusts for elevation and speed. I also liked it because you have to steer the bike or you might go off a cliff. I may try the recumbent one in the future because I do not have the tush for biking. My tailbone is very sensitive, just like the rest of me.

So, guess what? You're going to be hearing a lot about my journey over the next 12 weeks and possibly beyond.  Besides the Wellness Coaching, I've also signed up for a four-week class (that starts August 9) called, "Discover the DAHLC." Each week, we'll learn about the different fitness classes being offered at DAHLC. One negative, it starts at 5:45 AM.  Oh well, it's just one day a week for four weeks. I can do that. I'll complain about it and work it for all the sympathy I can get, but I'll do it.

Source: us.mc310.mail.yahoo.com via SewFabulousQuiltShop on Pinterest

Hope I haven't worn out the shocks

Ever overhear a conversation between two friends talking about weight and feeling fat and wondering what to do? When it happens, is it tough not to want to go over to them and shake them to their senses? Tell them that they are intelligent women who know all the answers to losing weight and being healthy? Tell them that they just have to get off the couch and go work out? Doesn't it just drive you crazy to hear those conversations??

Doesn't make it worse when you realize that the voice of the person complaining is your own?

I've fallen into a self-loathing, body-hating phase as I've gained so much weight that I've started beating myself up emotionally. I'm not sure why I think that kicking myself in the butt is, in any way, motivating, but I'm still doing it. I need Cher to slap me across the face and tell me to "Snap out of it!" (but then all my gay friends would be jealous that I met Cher and they might slap me...)

The worst times for me are the mornings when I'm trying to figure out what to wear to work. How many different ways can I wear an outfit since my choices are limited by what size I am wearing that day?

So, I'm doing what I've done in the past, I'm jumping on the fitness bandwagon - a bandwagon that I have jumped on and off so much, I'm sure the shocks are worn out. And I haven't crossed Weight Watchers off my list of potential answers. They have all those fab eTools that fulfill my geeky side.

I participated in a 5K yesterday called The Color Run. It's a fun time and "run" is a misnomer. It was more of a brisk walk where you start off wearing white and end up with color all over you and sometimes in places you didn't think it could get. I did it with family - three of my nieces along with my sister and my cousin. Sadly, my training for the 5K consisted on a couple of times on the treadmill - certainly nothing close to the prep I did for my real 5K two years ago.

With my new found commitment, this Thursday I start a 12-week commitment to work with a wellness coach at the Dan Abraham Healthy Living Center (DAHLC). A wellness coach isn't a personal trainer who works out your body, but might be considered a personal trainer for your brain. We will focus on one area of wellness for that 12 weeks - stress or time management, weight management, nutrition, exercise, etc.

Perhaps the wellness coach can help me answer these questions: Since I know what it takes to lose weight, why do I always forget how to do it? Where is that sensible person when I'm driving to the Dairy Queen?

Stars on my ceiling

I am thrilled to say that I have an offer on my condo! It sucks that it is going to be a short sale, but at least it will be one less thing hanging over my head. If you're not familiar with a short sale, it's when what you owe is higher than what the property is valued at. Think of my mortgage as Shaquille O'Neal and the selling price as Kristin Chenoweth. 

www.nataliedee.com

I had a training conference this past weekend in Bloomington, so I stayed at the condo. It hasn't felt like my place since I moved most of my stuff out last fall. However, I realized that there are going to be some parts of living at that place that I will miss. 

The kitchen is huge and not galley-like. There is even space for my solid oak dining room table. I'll miss the character of my kitchen with its wine theme. I love the walls in the kitchen because I "mudded" them and they look very old world Italian-villa-like. I also have great memories of mudding the walls with two of my dear choir friends, Terri and Lisa. 

I will not miss the pink counter tops in the kitchen or the 1980s mauve carpet that covers the majority of the floors. 

I will not miss the floor-to-ceiling mirror in the living room. Yes, the mirrors made the room appear bigger but I really didn't enjoy when I was appearing bigger. The truth is over-rated. 

I think the one thing I will miss the most are the stars that I painted on my bedroom ceiling with glow-in-the-dark paint. It was supposed to duplicate the stars in the sky during the Winter. I painted them on the ceiling in about 1998 and they still shine as brightly as the day I painted them. I won't be able to duplicate this in my new place since I'll be renting. It was always kind of comforting to feel like you're sleeping under the stars without that pesky nature ruining it. 

I may not be able to paint stars on my ceiling, but I can see the real stars outside of the cities. There's just no duplicating that. Even with glow-in-the-dark paint.

Maybe It is an Apple a Day

Health care should be focused on the kitchen instead of a clinic.

Dr. Preston Maring of Kaiser Permenente in Oakland, California believes you have to eat well to be well. Makes sense and I would love to be able to follow his example, but finding the time and the organic and non-processed food is always my challenge.

I am not holding myself up as a model of healthy eating, because you would leave the room laughing, but this New York Times article really started me thinking about what I eat. Considering my genetic lineage (my father had diabetes, his mother had diabetes, her mother had diabetes), I have a very high probability of getting diabetes, so what I eat and how much I exercise should be a priority for me instead of an after-thought.

www.nataliedee.co

I guess I've been thinking about nutrition and food a lot in the last couple of weeks after listening to a presentation by Mrs. Q. Who is Mrs. Q, you ask?  Technically, I don't know who she is because she's an anonymous blogger and grade school teacher who authors the blog called "Fed Up With Lunch: The School Lunch Project."  She writes about what we are feeding our kids at school and how our government cares so little for the nutritional needs of children. If the government really wants to have an impact on future health care costs, they should start with public school lunches.

France has a great school lunch program with very strict regulations that focuses on nutrition rather than costs. Their strict diet regimen is so high quality that most of us would consider it gourmet. Check out this story on CBS News.

I know organic foods are better for me, but I rationalize not buying them because they generally cost more than their non-organic siblings. However, if I were to spend a few more pennies or dimes on an organic product, what would it save on my health care costs?

Perhaps the best place for me to start is with the basics and take baby steps. Stop and think about my choices. Another Diet Coke or water instead? Candy bar or a banana?

Is it really that difficult to make better food choices?

I Really Did It!!

Yesterday was a huge day for me as I ran my first 5K race.  It was the Father's Day 5K run.

It was a day for achieving goals. I'm all about baby steps and breaking down your goals into small pieces.

Goal #1 - If you're going to train for a 5K, you're going to have run one. Register already! 

Goal #2 - Actually get out of bed and go to the race course.

Goal #3 - Finish the race.

Goal #4 - Try to run it in less than 50 minutes.

I didn't register for the race weeks in advance; I registered Friday night for the Sunday race. I needed something to get me to the race and it wasn't a car ride. I needed to feel accountable to someone. So, I asked my friend and co-worker, Kelly, if she would be available Sunday morning to come to the race - cheer me on and provide advice. (Kelly is a runner/marathoner.) She was very supportive and enthusiastic and asked if it would be okay if Nathan (her main guy and another friend and co-worker of mine) also came to the race. Absolutely!

So, when I woke up Sunday morning. instead of playing my usual mind games and talk myself out of something, I focused on the fact that Kelly & Nathan would be there. I had to be there - no excuses!

When I got to the registration table to pick up my bib, I saw my name on the sheet of runners. It suddenly felt very real and it seemed strange to see my age listed on there as 50. I just don't feel 50. And then I realized that at the age of 50, I was running my first race. HA!

Kelly & Nate showed up and kept me walking and distracted until the race started. It wasn't a big group of runners, being the day after Grandma's and at the same time as the Stillwater marathon. I was thankful for that. I think I would have felt overwhelmed with a large group! 

When the race started, I was trying to figure out my pace. I did most of my training on the treadmill, so I wasn't sure how to determine if I was at the pace I wanted, about 4 mph. I ran and I walked and I jogged and I walked and I speed walked and I walked. I was talking to myself the entire time - not out loud as I'm sure the rest of the runners would wonder about me. 

The race was around Como Lake in Saint Paul. Almost twice around the lake is the 3.1 miles and it is a wonderful place to run - spots with shade and mostly flat with only one area with a slight incline. Now that I know about it, I'm going to have to go there at least once a week to do more outdoor running. 

I was so nervous about the race, that I completely forgot about my fear of running in front of people who can see me!  (Harry Potter's invisibility cloak would be an ideal gift for me.)

I kept the pace pretty well through most of the race. There was this 82-year old racer there doing it as a speed walker. Got a bit stressed when he passed me. For about a 1/2 mile we were playing leap frog. I was like, "Oh, no, I am not going to get passed by an 82-year man!" He was a motivation for awhile and then I realized this guy does all these races and is most likely in better shape than me.  

When I was lapped by the real runners (and winners) and I was okay with that. When I got lapped by them the second time, it was a bit of blow. Then I realized they had already finished and this was just their cool-down lap. My cool down lap was walking to my car to drive home. 

Many people have told me that having people cheer you on during a race provides great motivation. Now I understand. Having people cheer for me as I was coming around the first time made me kick a bit harder - I was motivated to get out of my walking mode and back into the jogging mode.

At the end, again having people there cheering for me, I kicked up the pace and got ready to cross the finish line. As I was coming in at the finish, I could see the official clock. I broke into a huge smile when I saw 43 minutes on the clock. No way! I was going to finish in less than 50 minutes, less than 45 minutes. I crossed the finish line at 43:28. 

I had imagined that I would cross the finish line and drop over or go all jelly legs. I didn't. I wasn't even out of breath. I just wanted to know where the water was! Got a bit of water and then a banana sounded like the greatest treat that God ever created! Luckily, they had plenty. 

During the race, I kept looking behind me and I didn't see anyone. Was I the last one?? I thought there were some walkers that would be behind me, but I couldn't see anyone. About a minute after I crossed the finish line, more people started crossing the finish line. "I wasn't the last one." Kelly just laughed and said, "Of course not."

Several people who knew it was my first race (I suppose because I was telling everyone) came over to congratulate me and one woman wearing a half-marathon t-shirt said, "see you at more races."

Today was also my first hit of the dopamine that runners talk about - my 5K runner's high. Kind of liked it. 

Wait, I have to go backward in the story here, not just pre-race, but pre-leaving-my-house. I had laid out the clothes I would be wearing the night before. (I never do that for my regular days!) I wanted to be able to get dressed and be ready to go. 

I put on the outfit and then determined I didn't like how it fit. Seriously? It's 10 minutes before I need to leave and I'm trashing about my fitness clothing. I found a gray top to wear, but it was wrinkled. For one brief second, I thought about ironing it. I'm about get it sweaty and I was thinking it would look bad? 

So, of the four goals that I had set for myself, I got all of them! I would like to do a couple more 5Ks this summer and perhaps start thinking about a 10K later down the road. My friend Lisa left a message on my Facebook wall asking me I wanted to do the TC Marathon 10 mile this fall. Baby steps, Lisa, baby steps.

Marathon? I don't think I could keep my concentration that long. With my ADD, I'll lose interest and just go wandering off...

If someone would have told me when I was turned 40 (when I was at the highest weight and the most unhealthy I had ever been) that I would be running at age 50 (when I never had before), I would have laughed. If they would have said, I would do a 5K race, I would have insisted they do a drug screen. 

It was just so damn cool!

(my first race t-shirt!!)

Running Agoraphobia

It's a beautiful day outside. The sun is shining, the spring time air is the perfect temperature and there is a light breeze that would keep your body cool as you go for a run.

And so I do. On my treadmill by the windows so I can see the beautiful day outside.

I have committed to doing a 5K run on June 5th in Burnsville and I'm using the Couch to 5K program iPhone app. While I'm not as far into the program as I should be by now (and that worries me), I haven't started trying to think of excuses to get me out of the run.  I do face one pretty significant challenge: I've never run outside...in public...where anyone could see me.

I'm pretty sure that I won't be allowed to put my treadmill on the back of a flatbed and have it driven along the route with me running on it.

I don't know why I have this fear. It could be that the fear is based in struggling with my weight my entire life and/or having body issues. I love going out on my bike for rides and I'm never self-conscious about that. So what's the deal with running?

I wasn't a jock in high school. I was on the track team, but threw shot-put. I didn't run. The only memory of running outside was in 5th Grade at Northside school trying to get the President's Physical Fitness Award. I didn't get the award. I don't think I was even close.


So that's my goal: to do at least one training session a week outside...where people can see me.

In addition to the June 5th 5K, I'm also taking the Lutheran Geek's Couch to 5K Challenge and the 5K she's planning on doing is in September. I'd love to do a 5K run every month (dang, that's another goal).

Purging (in a good way)

Spring has arrived - it was 80 degrees on Thursday here in Minnesota and that little factoid can only mean one thing: It's time for "The Changing of The Closets."  

(photo by AmberE http://www.flickr.com/photos/amberwalker/1801788747/)

This bi-annual ritual happens when you're really hating what you have in your closet because you've been seen in every combination at least twice in the past season, and you have this incorrect memory that your other seasonal wardrobe is SO much better than the current one. 

I am very jealous of people with plenty of closet space in their homes that they don't have to pack it up, schlep it to the storage area and then bring in a bin of spring/summer clothes. I don't have that luxury. I have a walk-in closet, but only in the sense that you can stand in there and turn around. It's not one of those that you can wander through.

But this year, "The Changing of the Closets" has even more fun and games. Having lost a size or two since I packed up the spring/summer wardrobe last September, I now have to try everything on and sort them in to three piles: 1) Too big - take to consignment 2) Too small - put these in on the front hall closet and finally 3) Just right. 

A real challenge for me is letting go of some of the too big items. I argue with myself that they're comfortable and roomy and it's not like I would actually wear them where I could be seen - until I run out to the mall looking dumpy in clothing too big for me. I don't believe the people looking at me are thinking, "Wow, I bet she's really comfortable in those - good choice in fashion." 

Purging is a very important part of "The Changing of the Closets."  When you have limited closet space, you HAVE to make the tough choices. Choices like: throw out anything with oversized shoulder pads or has the brand name Zubaz on them - they are not coming back into fashion - EVER!

The most persuasive person I know

I am the most persuasive person I know

...cuz I can talk myself out of anything. (I can also talking myself into anything, but that's another issue for another time...)

I often talk myself out of exercising when I had purposely planned to exercise. There are many days, I will get out of bed early to do a workout, but then tell myself that tonight would be a better time to do this workout. You know after you get home and are exhausted and usually fall asleep on the couch.

Five years ago, when I originally lost this weight, I would get up each day at 5 am and be at the Y by 5:30 and hop on a treadmill. I didn't get there everyday, but at least twice a week and sometimes three times a week. Today, I still get up at 5 am. But I don't have to drive to the Y to do the time on the treadmill because there is one in my living room. (small condo requires odd placement of equipment) Yet, I'm not doing it.

UGH! Why? When I know what the results were five years ago? When I know that morning workouts are the best way to kick up that metabolism?

So, here's my promise to myself: 

• Week 1: I will work out on the treadmill at least two mornings during the work week and at least once on the weekend. 
• Week 2: I will also do a morning workout at the Y one day a week (Tuesday or Thursday for the Morning Spinning Express.)

I have to stop listening to myself when I'm persuading myself out of exercise. Sometimes, we are our own worst enemy.

It's nice to know it's not just me

Last Sunday while relaxing around the estate and mindlessly channel surfing, I stopped on Channel 2 (our local PBS station) and found a program called "Change Your Brain - Change Your Body." Naturally the words brain and body sucked me in.

The gentleman speaking was Dr. Daniel Amen from the Amen Clinics and he said that his clinic had conducted over 55,000 SPECT scans of individuals' brains. He talked about how you have to know your brain type to be successful at losing weight. Since my ADD diagnosis, I had wondered how different my brain was and more importantly, how it worked. 

He sucked me even further because he started talking about the "Inattentive and Impulsive Brain Type."  He explained that the Prefrontal Cortex (PFC) at the front of the brain is responsible for attention span, judgment, impulse control, organization, self-supervision, short-term memory, ability to learn from experience, critical thinking and problem solving. If the PFC is not functioning properly, those skills are at risk.  When he started to referring to this as the ADD brain, I was hooked. Tell me more!

He showed a scan of an ADD brain at rest and the PFC was active when it shouldn't have been. Then he showed the ADD brain when the individual was trying to focus/concentrate and the PFC goes dark with little activity. This means that just when the brain needs to be used for something, the activity decreases and the individual is screwed because the harder they try, the worse it gets.

So, how does this apply to weight loss? Dr. Amen explained that an individual with untreated ADD would have problems staying with a diet for very long. He gave a great example of an ADD person on a diet walking by donut shops - at the first donut shop, he is able to stay focused and walks on by. The second donor shop starts to weaken him and by the third one, he's given up and goes in for the binge, completely forgetting why he was avoiding the donut shops.

I wrote in a early post that I sincerely believe that my ADD diagnosis is the reason I was able to lose weight after so many unsuccessful attempts. While I've been on medications for almost eight years, there are still many of the issues mentioned above that I still struggle with such as short-term memory. 

Some days are good and some are bad. But having the list of skill sets that are impacted by my ADD has been enlightening. It's not just about lack of attention - there's so much more to it. 

I bought two of Dr. Amen's books, "Change Your Brain, Change Your Life" and "Change Your Brain, Change Your Body." (I actually bought them while still watching the show using my iPhone and downloading the books to my Kindle app on the phone. - I am a tech goddess!)  I have this feeling that I may be talking more about this in future posts. 

It's just great to know, it's not just me!!

How ADD helped me discover my inner skinny

I have struggled with my weight since I was 9 years old. I could be petty and blame it on a very nasty third-grade teacher who beat up my self-esteem, but my self-esteem recovered awhile ago.

I have done nearly every diet and exercise program you could name. While I didn't succeed at many of those, I won't call them failures. Those attempts were just practice for finally getting it right. If I could pinpoint one event for pushing me to success, it would be my Attention Deficient Disorder diagnosis. (I know, it is strange to give credit to something that I'm usually blaming for causing problems in my life, but I gotta be honest.)

**That's me with Lucy at Camp Snoopy comparing waistlines.**

How can ADD be credited for pushing me in the right direction? Two things - one was physical and second was mental. First, the physical: The first thing my doctor did after the diagnosis was to get me a prescription to handle the depression (that was the main symptom for the ADD). I won't say what the medication was, but the drug's side effect was loss of appetite due to nausea. I lost 25 pounds in four months without even trying.

When I realized that I was starting to gain it back, I joined Weight Watchers in January 2004 and started to lose again. In April 2004, I joined the YWCA and started to work out at 5:30 a.m. most weekdays. That was the second gift I received from the diagnosis, my mental attitude. I never had a doubt that I wouldn't lose weight and I didn't second guess myself.  When all was said and done in January 2005, I was down nearly seventy pounds (from my pre-diagnosis high in 2001)


I kept the weight off for awhile, but in 2006, I was losing focus because I had multiple demands on my time - work, school (working on a master's thesis) and chairing the 2008 U.S. Figure Skating Championships local organizing committee. By the end of January 2008 (and the end of Nationals), I had gained fifty pounds back. I called it my "Oh-8 Weight."

I got back on the weight loss band wagon at the end of 2008 and lost almost 30 pounds in 2009. In the past three months, I've been losing the same five pounds over and over again and it drove me crazy. I finally rejoined WW and the YWCA last month and have been reminding myself what I have to do to make it work: Be active and be accountable (and drink water!!)

Part of my activity plans is doing the "Couch to 5K" program. I started it yesterday (3/13/10) and hope to run my first 5K in early June. Also learned that a friend of mine started it this past week, too, so I've challenged her to join me in running the Burnsville Heart of the City 5K. I can't believe that I'm really looking at running a race. Stay tuned...

How Massa & Marie are ruining my birthday

Okay, I'm getting more than a little hyper about turning 50 in ten days. And I can blame the media, Eric Massa, Marie Osmond and NutriSystem for all this anxiety.

The media has been covering the Eric Massa story non-stop for the last week and Massa hasn't helped by appearing everywhere from CNN to Fox. Massa is being accused of sexually harassing a male staffer. When asked about a "groping" incident, he admits to it and then goes on to explain that it was more of a "ticklefest" and this was just something that happens at 50th birthday celebrations. It was his 50th birthday party. Really?  Call the restaurant and cancel my party if that's the "average" experience. 

Ah, and then there's NutriSystem. Their most recent advertisement features a woman who lost 96 pounds telling Marie Osmond her story. She explains that her motivation was turning 50 because " if you're overweight and 50, there's really no hope for you." Seriously??!!  Should I just pack it in right now and not bother thinking I have a future?  Not quite sure who the marketing genius is who approved that ad, but it didn't win any fans with any of us who were born in 1960.

I was planning on talking about my progress on my weight loss journey in this post, but since I'm not at my goal weight yet and my 50th birthday is a little over a week away, the geniuses at NutriSystem are telling me that I shouldn't bother with it.  

Well now that I've ranted about it, I feel better about it and will talk about my breakthroughs and fitness plans in tomorrow's post.