Bullying by any other name

During the past two weeks, my colleagues and I have been sharing content about childhood bullying, in advance of the new school year. Our external team created two videos on bullying, a radio show conversation about bullying and providing experts. On the internal side, we shared information from interviews we did with several of our experts who talked about what bullying is and how to help our kids.

I wrote the story and it was a struggle to get the story pared down to under 500 words. My first draft was 2700 words! There was just so much content and so many dimensions to the story. Frankly, I wasn't sure I was qualified to make the judgement of what was valuable and what wasn't.

We posted the story on our intranet news center on Friday, August 24, and it got lots of traffic (over 10K views) and lots of comments, some positive and some a little sad as they talked about what their children have gone through.
 
But then the comments turned to adults bullying each other and bullying in the workplace. One person commented that she was disappointed in how HR handled her complaint about being bullied. Others joined in about their experiences being bullied in the workplace.

As the conversations talked about the increase in bullying, both for children and adults, and how those in authority weren't doing enough, it really got me thinking. Is there really an increase in bullying? Or does any behavior that tilts even slightly negative get labeled as bullying? Bullying lacks a true definition and many people define it as "whatever happens to them."

This is just my opinion (and I know that I'm opening up a can of worms), but I think part of the reason why it's difficult to get "those in authority" to act, is that so many people have made "mean people" and "jerks" into bullies and, with so many people crying "Wolf!", who do they believe?  

There is legitimate bullying happening, but more often than not, I think people over-react, and instead of looking within themselves and questioning their response to a situation, they find it easier to label the other person as a bully.

There are the "snowplow parents" who insist on clearing the way for their children, so much so that these kids don't learn the skills they will need in the real world. They're not learning problem solving skills because they never have to resolve a problem. Mom and/or Dad take care of it for them, sometimes without even involving the kid.

I was teased as a child for being overweight, for having braces, for staying back a grade. Teasing is not bullying. I let it get to me because I had self-esteem issues. It changed for when I got a thicker skin and learned to believe in myself, when I realized that the people who teased or mocked me didn't know me. These people didn't matter. 

I remember my dad telling me that the people who tease you are looking for your reaction - figuring out what button to push. And the moment you give them the victim reaction, it only encourages them. 

Perhaps we just need to be nicer to each other. Perhaps we should realize that some of the people who get labeled as bullies are insecure people who lack decent communication skills. And while we may not be able to change their behavior, we can change our response and see them as sad, small people and find a way to deal with their actions by finding our inner strength.

Perfect (Outlook) Storm

It takes a certain amount of talent and plain old good luck to create the perfect storm of a work day. And I'm pleased as punch to shed my false demeanor of modesty and come right out and tell you that I've done it. Yep, me! It wasn't easy and, if I'm completely honest, it really took a village.

My calendar for Thursday is so solidly booked wall-to-wall that my annual August 1st nervous breakdown may have to be moved up to an earlier date.

I know, I know, you want to know how I did it.

First you have to talk one of your co-workers into going on a business trip on your behalf. Make sure that said co-worker is gone on a day that has a deadline for a publication that only a handful of people can assist with.

Add in another member of your team taking a well deserved vacation, so you don't have her as your back-up and overall cheerleader.

Mix in helping out another co-worker with a project that keeps you away from your desk all morning and then have your always reliable freelancer wanting to spend time with his new baby (rightly so!).

But wait! There's more!

Add in managing an email from leadership, shooting a rescheduled video interview, and sending the aforementioned publication out on specific computer (that is so old that it might be steam-powered) because it is the only computer that hasn't been upgraded to the new Windows which is not compatible with our email needs.

Throw on top of the fire saying yes to working on a new project that you're really excited about working on, but has caused an influx of emails so overwhelming, your soul is crushed.

And then there's the fact that if I live through Thursday, I still have to pack for an early Friday morning flight for a weekend training festival where I'll be presenting four times in two days (three slightly different presentations) and finding out yesterday that I need to pack something slightly formal to wear for the Friday night party.

Yep, creating a perfect storm like this takes talent and ingenuity that few people possess.

I'll try to post at least one more time before they increase my medications.

Just like starting over

It's time to start over. And it's not New Year's or the first day of school or even the first day of the month. That's the beauty of starting over, you can really start from anywhere, at any time.

I really appreciated the support and the messages that I received from several people regarding last week's post. I always worry when I use my blog as therapy, but it is so much cheaper than paying a professional. (Not that there's anything wrong with that)

Last week was my week to begin again, again. I joined Weight Watchers last Tuesday and discovered that their new Points Plus program is very do-able. I love the fact that most fruits and vegetables are zero points. It's a great way to encourage people to eat more of the food that is good for them.

I also had my first meeting with my Wellness Coach at the Dan Abraham Healthy Living Center (DAHLC). It is a 12-week program that focuses on behavior modification and setting goals. I have a great coach in Jason and I think we'll have a successful partnership.

The Wellness Coaching program is free to DAHLC members who are willing to make the 12-week commitment and are ready to focus on taking care of themselves. The first session was 90 minutes and the remaining 11 are about an hour each. But there is homework (as there needs to be).

We talked about what I saw as my barriers to better health, and I think most people would be surprised to hear about one of them. My first barrier, as I see it, is my cluttered house. I'm sure my family members and close friends could give testimonials to my less than ideal housekeeping skills. Certain family members might even suggest that I'm pushing it to suggest that I have ANY housekeeping skills.

Nevertheless, goal #1 is to set up a weekly schedule of chores (Yep, I said chores - like for a 10-year-old). Three days a week, I will spend 45-60 minutes cleaning and picking up in a specific area (Living Room/Kitchen, Bedroom/Bathroom, Office/SewingRoom/Closet). I determined that the best time for me to do this work is in the morning before work instead of just watching the news. I spent 45 minutes this morning cleaning the living room and kitchen. It's not perfect, but it's a start.

Goal #2 is getting to the DAHLC twice a week to work-out between 30-45 minutes. Yesterday (Sunday), I made it to the DAHLC and spent 20 minutes on the ARC (a type of elliptical) and 15 minutes on an Expresso Bike. The Expresso Bike is a fun interactive stationary bike because you're biking your way through a video game, per se. The video screen in front of you shows "your path" (like biking in the mountains) and the bike adjusts for elevation and speed. I also liked it because you have to steer the bike or you might go off a cliff. I may try the recumbent one in the future because I do not have the tush for biking. My tailbone is very sensitive, just like the rest of me.

So, guess what? You're going to be hearing a lot about my journey over the next 12 weeks and possibly beyond.  Besides the Wellness Coaching, I've also signed up for a four-week class (that starts August 9) called, "Discover the DAHLC." Each week, we'll learn about the different fitness classes being offered at DAHLC. One negative, it starts at 5:45 AM.  Oh well, it's just one day a week for four weeks. I can do that. I'll complain about it and work it for all the sympathy I can get, but I'll do it.

Source: us.mc310.mail.yahoo.com via SewFabulousQuiltShop on Pinterest

Hope I haven't worn out the shocks

Ever overhear a conversation between two friends talking about weight and feeling fat and wondering what to do? When it happens, is it tough not to want to go over to them and shake them to their senses? Tell them that they are intelligent women who know all the answers to losing weight and being healthy? Tell them that they just have to get off the couch and go work out? Doesn't it just drive you crazy to hear those conversations??

Doesn't make it worse when you realize that the voice of the person complaining is your own?

I've fallen into a self-loathing, body-hating phase as I've gained so much weight that I've started beating myself up emotionally. I'm not sure why I think that kicking myself in the butt is, in any way, motivating, but I'm still doing it. I need Cher to slap me across the face and tell me to "Snap out of it!" (but then all my gay friends would be jealous that I met Cher and they might slap me...)

The worst times for me are the mornings when I'm trying to figure out what to wear to work. How many different ways can I wear an outfit since my choices are limited by what size I am wearing that day?

So, I'm doing what I've done in the past, I'm jumping on the fitness bandwagon - a bandwagon that I have jumped on and off so much, I'm sure the shocks are worn out. And I haven't crossed Weight Watchers off my list of potential answers. They have all those fab eTools that fulfill my geeky side.

I participated in a 5K yesterday called The Color Run. It's a fun time and "run" is a misnomer. It was more of a brisk walk where you start off wearing white and end up with color all over you and sometimes in places you didn't think it could get. I did it with family - three of my nieces along with my sister and my cousin. Sadly, my training for the 5K consisted on a couple of times on the treadmill - certainly nothing close to the prep I did for my real 5K two years ago.

With my new found commitment, this Thursday I start a 12-week commitment to work with a wellness coach at the Dan Abraham Healthy Living Center (DAHLC). A wellness coach isn't a personal trainer who works out your body, but might be considered a personal trainer for your brain. We will focus on one area of wellness for that 12 weeks - stress or time management, weight management, nutrition, exercise, etc.

Perhaps the wellness coach can help me answer these questions: Since I know what it takes to lose weight, why do I always forget how to do it? Where is that sensible person when I'm driving to the Dairy Queen?

Beware the dementors!

Dementor (noun) a dark ghost-like creature, considered one of the foulest to inhabit the world. Dementors will feed off human happiness, and cause depression and despair to anyone near them. If a Dementor gets too close to a human, they will suck out one's soul. (definition courtesy of the book, " Stuff I Just Make Up When I'm Too Lazy to Google It.")

Yesterday, while in Myrtle Beach, I had an encounter with three Dementors. 

Although Dementors are fictional characters from Harry Potter books, I believe they exist in real life and have taken a corporal form and are roaming the earth as horribly negative people who can't find anything good in life or in other people. 

I've known of these three Dementors for awhile and I have felt lucky that they have chosen to disregard me as someone not worthy of their time or consideration. I'm lucky that I don't live in the same section of the country as them as thus don't have to run into them very often. 

They were chatting with a friend of mine yesterday (she is more worthy than I) and I stopped by to say hi to her. In just the brief two or three minutes that I was standing there, I felt all the happiness just drain from my body and was worried that I would never be happy again. Luckily, I got away in time to avoid their soul-sucking. 

To regain my happiness, I spent a few hours with friends at the bar. It's amazing how a simple glass of wine can bring you back from the brink. 

So, to all my friends who I have left behind, who have to be around these Dementors, take my advice and avoid them. and spend lots of time in the bar. 

I don't think I needed to give them that last piece of advice.

Have you said yes?

Did you catch the ABC Nightline feature last night about organ donation? I know I'm geeky, but it was so cool to watch it all happening and realize that I work for that organization! How lucky am I???

Are you a designated organ donor? Does your drivers license indicate your choice? And does your family know? This year's Mayo Clinic Annual Report features a story on organ donation. The family of the young man who died was told by the doctors that their generosity and strength would change the lives of five families that night.

I interviewed a patient who had a double lung transplant about a year ago. She was joyful and healthy and thankful to the doctors and the nurses and her family for getting her through it. She told me that as she waited at the hospital for the lungs to arrive, she sent a text message to her family and friends and asked them to pray for the family of the young woman who had died, the family who had made a decision to give a priceless gift.

I signed up years ago to be an organ donor and my family is aware of my wishes. I also volunteered for  the Bone Marrow Registry. And with bone marrow, you can donate while you're still alive. (Bonus!) I signed up in 1990 and was a partial match for one patient (didn't pass the third level of matching), but am still waiting for the call. The bone marrow registry appealed to me as a childless person. It would be the closest I would get to giving birth by giving life.

Think about it.